Guest Post!

Hello! I'm sorry that I haven't posted in months. I hope that everyone's 2012 is going swimmingly. Today, I have a guest post from my friend Lola George about gender's relevance that she wrote for her gender ideology class (of which I'm super jealous- I wish my school had one of those!) It is a wonderful piece and I'm so honored that she's given me permission to post it here.

“GENDER IS A SOCIAL CONSTUCTION!” I shout, semi-jokingly across my German room to two friends arguing about which gender is superior. A laugh erupts from my fellow students, bounces around the room, settles, and then we’re back to learning. I sit back in my chair, and consider what I have just said. I’ve always been soft-spoken, and I tend to keep to myself in a classroom setting. What was it that moved me to speak my unpopular opinion aloud, for a room full of peers who would be thrilled to have another reason to judge me? I consider the phrase. “Gender is a social construction.” What does that even mean? If gender is only a social construction, why does it affect our lives so much? Social constructions only have the power we choose to give them, so why have we chosen this one as a way to govern our lives?

Throughout my life, my parents have never pressured me to be a certain way. They have always been supportive of whatever choices I make. The same goes for me choosing to go with or rebel against gender norms. Up until about third or fourth grade, I was always incredibly “feminine”. I wore dresses exclusively, dressed my cat up in doll’s clothes, and liked to keep things neat and clean. I was very careful and cautious and I absolutely loathed any sport or activity that required me to break a sweat, get my hands dirty, or hit another human being. This fact about me still rings true today.

However, once high school hit, I felt a need to rebel against traditional gender roles. During my freshman year, I was completely head-over-heels infatuated with a senior named Leah. The first couple of weeks, I only admired her from afar. I couldn’t even determine her gender until we spoke for the first time, but from the first time I saw her I knew that I found her to be very intriguing and very attractive. In hindsight, I think what attracted me to her most was the rebellious lifestyle that came with her short, shaggy boy’s hair cut and baggy jeans, which were offset by the delicate silver rings on her fingers and the way t-shirts tugged against the curve of her hips. She was a gender rebel, an insurgent against traditional roles, and everything about her life had me completely captivated. Being an active member of our school, Leah was the president of a few clubs, including the gay-straight alliance, and, being an active member or our school, I made sure to join every one of them. Much to my excitement, we ended up getting along quite nicely. Leah taught me everything she knew about queer culture, and I soaked it all up like a sponge. She introduced me to feminism and the world of gender-bending queer slam poetry, which I am still grateful for today. Eager to be like her in any way I could, I decided it was “uncool” to fit gender norms, and started to dress more androgynously. I bought boys’ pants and wore my rattiest sneakers. However, try as I would, I couldn’t seem to really look like a boy. Not like Leah could, anyway. One day, were sitting outside, discussing the trials and tribulations of being out and queer in high school. I was asking her about her experiences, trying to relate, when she stopped me. “Look at you, then look at me,” she said, glancing over me and then herself. I had a neat button-down men’s shirt, tucked into a pair of unisex trousers, all topped off with a black bow tied in my hair. She was wearing her usual uniform, an oversized t-shirt and shabby jeans, typical “boy” clothing. At first I felt frustrated in my inability to pass as a non-conformist, a gender rebel, but then I understood something I hadn’t considered before. Gender is a form of self-expression and how we present ourselves to the world, if nothing else. I knew who I was, and my true self could not be altered. I am who I am, and I identify how I identify, and even if it isn’t making the biggest statement, my identity cannot be changed.

Now, I am very comfortable with my identity. I wear what I want, whether that is a miniskirt and heels or a t-shirt and cargo shorts. To quote Andrea Gibson, I am what I am when I am it. My friends are a wide array of sexual orientations and gender identities, with many different views on the subject. One of my closest friends is a queer-identified boy named Adam. This year, instead of going to homecoming, he asked me out on a best-friend date. School dances have always made me uncomfortable. I hate dancing, bad pop music and sweaty gyms, so naturally, school dances are my personal hell. Of course, I accepted Adam’s invitation. It would be strictly platonic, just two queers out on the town, mocking heteronormative culture. We dressed up and went out to dinner, using fake accents and laughing quietly when the waiter mistook us for a couple. When we decided we had our fill of overpriced pasta, I got out my wallet, thinking we were going to split the check. Instead he leaned over across the table and said, “Please let me pay.” Being a person who would never refuse a free meal, I was about to graciously accept Adam’s offer, until he continued, in a no-nonsense, serious tone, “It would really make me more comfortable. I don’t want to waiter to think I’m some terrible boyfriend.” This is where I had to stop him. I tried to make a list in my head of everything that was wrong with this, but I decided soon that the list would be infinite. I felt so angry. This is exactly what we’re trying to make fun of. Why couldn’t he understand that? I swiftly whipped a $20 dollar bill out of my wallet, and said, loud enough, for the waiter to hear, in my terribly fake accent, “Great, so we’re splitting it!”

I don’t know what gender really is, and I don’t know what makes it so important. All I know is that as long as a queer boy will feel the need to pay for a queer girl’s dinner because he feels pressure to look or be a certain way, gender will be playing too big of a role in our lives.

I Fear for my Generation

It’s typically stated that the current generation of young people, spotlighting adolescents, is ignorant and self-absorbed. It’s a long, winding list of absolutes- that all kids are addicted to their cell phones; that American students don’t study nearly as much as their international counterparts; that they don’t realize all of the social progress that has allowed them to live their lives the way they currently do.

I always tried to ignore this prevalent viewpoint. How could it even be uttered? Many of my friends are caring, wonderful young people. I have one that builds houses in an impoverished area of West Virginia each summer, and another who’s seventeen and has volunteered at her local congresswoman’s office for four years. We’re the kids who invite the kids deemed pariahs to sit with us at lunch. I’m not claiming we’re perfect, of course, but I think that we are good people. And how about all of the lovely, brilliant young teenage bloggers? Julie at The F-Bomb, Danielle at Experimentations of a Teenage Feminists, and Talia at Star of Davida are just a few examples. These girls are taking the time to eloquently express their opinions in a public forum, creating a community for other like-minded people. I’ve never seen an ad hominem attack done on any of these blogs, which is far more than could be said for many adult pundits.

But my last few weeks in the start of school have made me feel that all of the ignorance and apathy associated with my generation might be right on the mark.

Take the conversation I was a part of at an athletic team gathering. A friend and I were sitting on the couch next to a bunch of very recent high school freshmen, who were discussing various females in their grade, branding them as “sluts,” “weird,” etc. It was very The Plastics in Mean Girls. One of the girls there mentioned that she was frequently called a slut, and everyone shouted, “OMG! You’re totally not! Not like [insert name here]!” (I wish I was hyperbolizing.) I tried to profess that your worth can’t be defined by your sexual activity- whether devised on the grapevine or actual- but everyone just kind of looked at me. Anyway. One girl, now Girl A, switched the topic to how Goth was weird. “My dad said that if I ever become a Goth, he’ll send me to female military school.” Alright. A bit weird, definitely. But then Girl B interjected, “Oh, yeah, that’s like when parents send their gay kids to straight school.”

NO NO NO NO OH MY GOODNESS NO.

I cleared my throat. “Um, hey Girl B, that kind of doesn’t make any sense at all. What do you mean?” [Fake giggle.]

“Oh, there are lots of them. And they, like, work, too. Because when the kids come out they were gay before and now they’re straight.”

“But… that makes no sense. If you’re gay, that’s it.”

She looked at me like I was completely insane, and then the conversation switched to which belly button rings each of these fourteen-year-olds planned to get when they turned eighteen.

Oh dear.

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This story’s off the middle school rumor mill, courtesy of my little brother.

Most people have heard the rather annoying phrase, “Cool story, bro. You should tell it at parties.” It’s now printed on lacrosse pinnies across the country. But my brother told me about a shirt one of his thirteen-year-old male compatriots wore to school, reading, “Cool story, babe. Now make me a sandwich.”

I was legitamitely speechless.

My brother said that when a teacher saw it, she supposedly lectured him in front of the whole class, “but not like yelling at him. He wasn’t in trouble. But asking him if he even knew what it was saying.” (I knew I trained him well.) Obviously, I think that this was the right thing, if not the awesome thing, for her to do.

But really? Thirteen’s a bit young for blatant sexism.

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The list goes on and on. Another shining moment is when teammate relayed to me that a kid in her Global History II class asked the teacher, “If you’re Lesbanese, are you automatically a lesbian?” “I just knew that would make you mad,” she said. And she was right.



Why does this make me so mad? Because these kids are SO young. They already have these close-minded views in their heads. I know the last generation was all Free-to-Be-You-and-Me, but I think my generation may have missed some of that acceptance. Our world is progressing so much socially. These kids could have any opinions they want. If this is what they really think, then that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to his or her own opinion.

But… how many thirteen year old guys buy their own shirts? I can’t say very many guys I knew bought their own clothes before high school. I would strongly suggest that this kid’s mom bought him the offending clothing article. What the Hell is that teaching him about how to treat women? And my teammates- it’s one thing to have self-expression stilted by threat to boarding school, but another entirely to say that being gay isn’t a part of one’s intrinsic identity. I can’t help but think that parents influenced this too. In the media this is becoming a far less portrayed view (I mean, Glee, right?) But if kids’ parents are stuffing them with archaic opinions, how much can we blame these kids for their ignorance?

And yeah, maybe I’m guilty of this too. I try as hard as I can to be open- stuck 100% in liberalism is just as bad as being stuck 100% anywhere else. My parents’ opinions on issues such as these wasn’t particularly strong in my childhood, for which I’m glad, because I’m confident that I formed opinions that are right for me personally at this time in my life. But how can my generation achieve social progress when bogged down with no room to think for themselves?

Feminism is Having a Choice

One of the most prominent issues of Second Wave feminism was acquiring the right for women to have access to safe, legal abortions. People who believe that women have the right to choose whether or not they have abortions are called, as most everyone, knows, pro-choice. Although in the media today this term almost always pertains to abortion, in my opinion the goal of feminism as a whole is to give women the right to make their own decisions. This applies to so many facets of the modern woman’s life today.

Women should have the right to choose how they raise their children. First and foremost, lesbian women have just as much of a right to bear or adopt children as any other women. (Obviously, gay men equally possess that right.) The stigmas that many women are stuck with, though, often pertain especially to heterosexual relationships. Regardless, when it comes to working women have a right to go back to work after they birth their children, while their partners stay home and raise their children. Or, both partners can go to work and the child can be cared for at a daycare or by a relative during the day. But women should in no way be persecuted for electing to stay home and raise their children and not return to work, or maybe not return for years after the birth of a child. If they have the financial means and desire to do so, women should have the right to choose whether to go to work or remain at home after raising a child.

Women should have the right to choose how they dress. Some Third Wavers, like Jessica Valenti, believe that as long as women understand why society wants them to be thin, dress in a sexualized manner, and wear makeup, they have the right to do so. Others, like Ariel Levy, believe that by doing this, some women objectify themselves. The beauty and body ideals of society have fluctuated radically over the last century. One hundred years ago, wearing pants was controversial for most women. Since then, women have been told to dress puritanically and sexily; with every inch of skin covered and not very much at all; in skintight clothes and clothes that didn’t touch their bodies whatsoever. If women are forced to follow any of these fashions, though, they are not liberated. A woman has just as much of a right to dress in a way that could be perceived as conservative as she does in a way that could be perceived as sluttish- as long as it is her decision.

Women should have the right to choose their sexual activity. They have the right to elect when they lose their virginity. Today, more sexually liberated Third Wavers strongly advocate for the right of young women to have sex, including access to information and contraception. These feminists are very vocal in their belief that teens should have the right to be as sexually active as they want. It is awesome that this belief is becoming more prevalent, but young women’s decisions to have sex later in life, even after marriage, has to be an option too. If young women now have the right and means to choose to have sex in high school, they should also have the right to abstain for as long as they see fit.

This relates to countless other feminist issues being debated today. As long as all women are generalized into one group and not given the right to have opinions as individuals, they are oppressed. Feminism will have succeeded when the every woman can express her opinion and has the free will to act upon it.